I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
