Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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