I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
