Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
