my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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