what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
