Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize