So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
