i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
