it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
