Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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