We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
