he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
