so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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