I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
