so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
