just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
