When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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