That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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