and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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