Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
