dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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