Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
