Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
