i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
