I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
