I want to have your abortion
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
