I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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