My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
