His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
