But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
