got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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