you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
