if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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