Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
