Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
