a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
