why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
