He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
