you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
ok first of all what the fuck
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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