Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He did a backflip because drugs
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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