I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
