I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
