yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize