Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
