bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
