i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
