just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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