My hair reeks of homosexuality.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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