I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
