I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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