You work out of a Hotel?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
