Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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