i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Found your dick twin last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
