Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
