He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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