hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
