I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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