Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry keg123 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI

Fav 30 2039 4620
share tweet
(925): View more from California

He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"

Fav 12 4078 832
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

Fav 50 9464 1646
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.

Fav 5 2915 1156
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie

Fav 3 2201 1666
share tweet
(510): View more from California

Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.

Fav 5 1196 2259
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(440): View more from Ohio

uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober

Fav 4 4155 1213
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(320): View more from Minnesota

I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.

Fav 3 104 182
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.

Fav 0 75 49
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT