i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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