So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
