just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
