So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
