The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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