Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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