carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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