In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
