So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
These tits shall not be calmed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
