i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
