He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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