i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
